Leadership Is Lonely: Why Business Owners Need a Safe Space to Think

Leadership is lonely!  Yes I said it!

In fairness, nobody warns you about this bit.

They warn you about cash flow, tax returns and difficult clients. They don’t warn you that the further you get, the fewer people there are who really understand what you’re dealing with.

When you start out, everyone has an opinion and most of them are useful. Then your business grows. The decisions get bigger. And somewhere along the way you notice you’re making most of them on your own, late at night, with nobody to sense-check them.

Why it gets lonelier as you grow

You can’t offload on your clients. They need to see someone who has it all in hand.

You can’t always offload on your team or your associates. They need to see someone steady, not someone wobbling.

You can offload on family and friends, and they love you for it. But they’ll either tell you to stop worrying or tell you to pack it all in and get a proper job. Neither helps when you’re trying to decide whether to put your prices up or drop a client who pays well but costs you your sanity.

So you carry it. You overthink it. You lose a weeks worth of sleep, going round in circles on a decision that one good conversation would have settled in half an hour.

That isn’t a weakness. It’s what happens when you’re the one in charge.

What a safe space actually is

“Safe space” gets used a lot. Let me be clear about what I mean, because it isn’t somewhere you get told everything you do is wonderful.

A safe space is somewhere you can say the thing you haven’t said out loud yet. “I’m not sure I want to do this any more.” “I think I’ve underpriced everything.” “I’ve got no idea what I’m doing with this new idea.” And nobody judges you for it, repeats it or panics.

It’s also somewhere you’ll be challenged. Safe doesn’t mean soft. The people worth having in that room care enough to tell you the truth, including when it isn’t what you want to hear.

In the Navy, I learned that even the best commanders don’t make the big calls alone. They have people around them whose job is to question, test and push back. Not because the commander is weak, but because good decisions come from being challenged.

The people you need around you

You don’t need a crowd. You need the right few. Look at who you’ve got and see if you can tick these off:

• Someone who’s been there. Someone further down the road who can say “I’ve seen this before, here’s what happened”.
• Someone who gets your world. Peers running a business like yours, who understand the pressures without needing them explained.
• Someone who’ll challenge you. Not to win an argument, but because they want you to make the best call.
• Someone who’ll keep it to themselves. Confidentiality isn’t a nice extra. Without it, you won’t say what you really think.
• Someone who’ll still be there next month. One-off advice helps. Someone who knows your history and can say “that’s the third time you’ve mentioned this” is far more valuable.

If you can’t name anyone for most of those, that’s not a criticism. It’s just very common. And it’s fixable.

Build your own board

Big companies have a board of directors for exactly this reason. Small businesses rarely do, but you can build your own version.

Start with a peer or two you trust. A good business community helps here, as long as it’s one where people are honest rather than just cheering each other on. Add in-person time if you can. Getting out of the house and into a room with other business owners shifts your thinking in a way a Zoom call rarely does.

Then think about whether you need someone in your corner for the long haul. That’s why I created Thought Partner.  It’s also modelled on the work I did with one of the best coaches I have ever had, unfortunately she has passed away but she allowed me to have conversations where I felt safe, challenged and supported – all on the one call!

It’s 18 calls of 45 minutes over 12 months, booked when you need them. No course, no workbooks, no homework. You bring whatever is on your mind and we think it through properly, as equals, until it’s clear. I’ll ask the questions you’ve been avoiding, spot what you can’t see from where you’re standing and hold you to what you said you’d do.

It’s different from my 1:1 coaching, which works towards a specific goal and comes with my VA Membership training materials. Thought Partner is for when you don’t need teaching any more. You need someone to think with.

Think of it as a seat on the board your business doesn’t have.

You don’t have to do it alone

Being the one in charge will always come with some weight. That’s the job. But carrying all of it on your own isn’t a badge of honour. It just means you’re making big decisions with less information and more stress than you need to.

Surround yourself with people who get it. People who’ll listen, challenge you and keep it between you.

If you’d like to talk about whether Thought Partner is right for you, book a no-pressure chat. If it isn’t the right fit, I’ll tell you.

Amanda